Jolly Crouton Media

A compiled list of family-friendly internet abbreviations. Some have not been changed, and have just been listed because of their frequency and handiness.

• WTF - What The Fuzzlescrumps?
• WTH - What in The Heckumaploogus?
• LMBO - Laughing My Bum Off.
• LMDO - Laughing My Derriere Off.
• ROFL - Rolling On the Floor Laughing. (Alternative: Rootle-Oofus Fumble Lumps)
• ROTFLOL - Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud.
• n00b - (The user of this term is insecure and belittles people.)
• BRB - Bathroom needed Really Bad. (a.k.a. Be Right Back.)
• FTW - Flip The Waffles. (used when subject is getting old.) (Alternative use: When something is really awesome.)
• BTW- By The Way. (Alternative: 'Bout Those Waffles...)
• AFAIK - As Far As Ingeniusly Kinetic. (This version is only used by physics nerds; Alternative meaning: As Far As I Know)
• IIRC - If I Remember Correctly...
• STFL (Substitute for STFU) - Shut Those Flapping Lips.
• IMESNHHO (Substitute for IMHO) - In My Ever So Not Hypocritically Humble Opinion...
• ICUAWYAS - I Can't Understand A Word You Are Saying.
• SPRCLIFRGLSTCSXPALDSHS - Supercalifragilisticsexpialidocious

This is all I have for now. Got one? Email it to Admin@OldManClayton.com

Unless you're part of a top-secret agency, I have no idea why you would need this.

Encrypt the file using Croutons' custom-made encryption program. (no longer available, this guide is from 2006. I will make another if you desire it) Use a unique code. Then, put the code in a .txt file and encrypt it with software that does not require a unique code key (also no longer available). Rename that file SYSTEM.OLD and place it in C:\windows\. Put the original encrypted file in a .zip and then use built-in password encryption. Rename that zip something like CAB_12.cab and put it in C:\windows\precopy\ (Only if you have windows 98. If not, find another deep directory and put it there.) Then, right click the file, hit properties, and select hidden. Then press ok. Now, for even further hidden-ness, put the files on a cd, name them track01.cda and track02.cda, then burn some songs along with it. Write "party mix" in sharpie on the cd, put the cd in a cd case that had a professional label on it. (e.g. put it in a microsoft office case.) Stick the cd whose case you just took in a generic jewel case and put them both on a cd rack with a bunch of other unneeded discs. Stick that rack in the messiest and darkest corner of your basement.

Voila.

Steps

1. Begin by talking with limp lips. (Think mushmouth from fat albert)
2. Example: Flibba-Blibba-Blup-Blurb
3. Then, retake control of your lips and repeat any outstanding words from the previous step.
4. See if you can turn any of these words into German or Swedish sounding words.
5. Example: Flibba-Blibba-Blup-Blurb > Fibindoggen-Blibshturgle-blupkenheimen-Blurpenglumpus. Jah. (-Shtugen, -Strudel, -shtinken, and -heimen suffixes are handy.)
6. Flip syllables randomly in some words so that the beginning is at the end
7. Example: Fibindoggen-Blibshturgle-blupkenheimen-Blurpenglumpus > Doggenfleebin-Blibshturgle-kenheimenbloopkus-Plurbenglumpus. (Feel free to naturally switch awkward letter groupings to a more fluent arrangement. Example: Plookpenshteinen > Ploopkenshteinen. Also, extra l's and h's and s's are handy)
8. Add random trills and lalas in between words (Some high-pitched, some low)
9. Example: Doggenfleebin-RrRrRr-Blibshturgle-kenheimenbloopkus-lalaleela-Plurbenglumpus.
10. Sometimes it helps to write it down and then read it, but purposefully doing it quickly without articulating. Try to say it as fast as you can without stopping if you stumble over words. Then, remember the results.
11. The above example turned out to me as: Doggenfleebin-RrRrRr(Spanish rr)-Blibshturgle-Kleemenheimengloopus-lalelelalelelaelelelale-Plurbenglumpus
12. On some words, have a swedish accent, on others, a scottish, etc.
13. Add dorky facial expressions and body movements to complete the nerdification.

Tips

• When thinking of delivery tactics, think of the swedish chef from the muppets
• Do not do this in the presence of high-ranking officials (Oh, say the President or something.) or the caretakers at a psych ward or insane asylum. (or the ladies)
• Do not do this when you are in the bathroom (especially not in the guttural German accent) or someone may call 911 or suggest ex-lax
• Do not say gibberish in an arabic accent while on a plane or near the pentagon
• Excersize daily
• Drink plenty of water
• Keep a saying for a few days, and once everyone as gone bald from pulling their hair out, switch to a new one. (If they move on to leg hair, it eliminates the need for a razor)
• Always expand your gibbersish vocabulary, and practice your foreign accents.
• Get a german dictionary and look up random words.
• Get online and share your gibberish with fellow nerdlings
• Remember your best ones for when you are old and want special attention
• A good senior prank would be to gather a choir of gibberishers and have an uber-computer geek hack the PA system
• Don't drink and drive
• Frustrate your friends by pretending the words actually mean something, and that you are making fun of them in a secret language.
• Always wear a safety helmet

Warnings

• Do not speak gibberish in front of foreigners, you never know what you might be saying.
• Maddened siblings may crush your skull in attempt to quiet the annoyances constantly spewing from your mouth.
• You may Drown if water gets in your throat while showering and Gibberishing at the same time
• Mongolian monks consider gibberish to be a challenge when uttered through the nose
• Yodeling Gibberish is immoral
• Putting a long string of gibberish in a time capsule may win you a free trip into the future for close study
• If you Gibberish too much, you may forget English (Or die)
• Michael Moore is a Guptenshteininghurdlingraldin fat lard. (I thought about removing that for the internet version-- but Naw, it stays.)
• Resist the urge to join your chemistry teacher's gibberish monologue (Nobody like dialogues)